Ngee says… Divorce can happen to anyone

We begin the second month of the year- February, popularly called the love month. As we celebrate our love for one another; have you realized that love seems not enough to keep some marriages going in and out of season?

The question I kept asking myself was –“why do some marriages end in divorce, while some thrive till old age?
The answer lies in how we see our relationship as a couple.

– Do you see yourself separate from your spouse, with different paths or vision that never meet?
– Or do you see yourself as a unique individual contributing your skills and resources to help one another become a better version of yourselves?

Your answer to the above question will determine if you are heading for a divorce (divorce according to Merriam Webster dictionary- “is a complete separation between two things or the ending of a marriage by a legal process”); or building ownership (ownership according to Macmillan dictionary is an attitude of accepting responsibility for something and taking control of how it develops).

Rich says… Often times in marriage people experience disagreements, conflicts even quarrels. Some minor, others major. But divorce is never an option. We could even separate for a season to get our acts in place and come back together and make our marriage work.

How do we build a sense of ownership and a divorce-proof marriage?
By bringing our 2(D1) visions together. It has been proven that what you see continually and actively work towards, you become in 3years – 5years.

How do you bring visions and blend them into one without anyone feeling cheated or left out?

a) Recognizing that both of us are unique individuals and our dreams matter.
b) Acknowledge that our marriage is an entity on its own and also require its own dream and path.
c) Finding ways to come together; incorporating one another’s dreams into the marriage and letting go of some areas of our dream that will destroy the marriage in the long run.

ACTION POINT:

1) CLOSE YOUR EYES – think of the next 20 years. In the picture you see – is your spouse there? If he/she is not, then the probability of staying together is next to none.
2) OPEN YOUR EYES – list all your plans for 2020, where does your spouse come in? If there is no space in your dream for your spouse or children, the future of the marriage is relatively bleak.
3) Let your spouse also take the 2 tests above, then discuss and make a conscious effort to have a picture of what kind of marriage you both destine/want in front of you.

Love,
Ngee and Rich 
(Dr Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative

“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3 (CEB).